Birdy

Today has just been shitty,
Pardon my language, but there really is no other way to describe it.
It didn't start out too horribly.
Scratch that.
I had a calculus test, which I didn't study for. I don't think I did very well, which is upsetting in of itself. Calc is my favorite subject, but looking at those questions, and not knowing what to do with them makes me feel incredibly unintelligent.
I think that's one of the worst feelings, for me anyways. Feeling inadequate. Because, really, intelligence is pretty much the only commendable attribute that I have, in my opinion. And I feel that it's a very important attribute at that; ergo feeling that I lack it is terrible.
But I digress.
I certainly did not do as well on yesterdays chemistry test as I had hoped. I made a few simple, yet costly calculation errors, and while my mark was still decent, I feel that I could have done much better.
To top it all off, I came home to find out, in the most unpleasant way possible, that one of my two blue budgie birds had passed away this morning.
And it's not so much the fact that he died - even thought that was terribly upsetting - so much as the way I was told.
It may or may not be public knowledge that my parents and I have somewhat of a strained relationship. Nothing I do is ever quite good enough for my father, and my mother doesn't really seem to care about it. That sounds very harsh, and probably full of teenage angst, but I assure you (who is 'you' anyways? Does anyone actually read this?) that it is nonetheless true. Anyways, upon returning home from school, my dad let me know that "that damn bird is D.O.A., and it's your fault."
Yes, my fault. Insert one sided discussion about how I am a bad human being who is incapable of doing anything correctly, especially caring for another living thing. To top that off, my mother told me to stop being such a baby and stop crying.
That especially, angers me. Because, even though my troubles may seem trivial, I feel that it is entirely unfair to completely write them off.
I really love and care for all of my animals, and am quite shaken by this indeed. Sorry for dumping all of this here, but there really isn't anywhere else to put it.
I'll miss you Birdy. I'm sorry.
<3 Vik